Christmas, New Year's & the Year Beyond

It’s the holiday season, though not the best of times for me, but thought I might as well pen down something. The last few weeks were horrible. I would say, the worst 2weeks of 2008. There is a saying, that before the candle is about to be blown up, it spurts & burns most vigorously. Maybe that’s what happened. The professional side of life was already giving me a beating & then the personal side crashed. Quite a crash that I am yet to decide what to do with it. So that’s another reason why I am writing this. I haven’t yet decided whether I want to post this entry or not, but nevertheless it makes me feel much better once I write stuff down.

Things are not going that great at work. In the past 3 weeks, I have been asking a question quite too often "What am I doing? Why am I still working?". Well, I didn’t get an answer, I guess it should be to maintain equilibrium, keep the cycle going, or such crap. Now, whatever we do, we intend to get some result out of it. The result can be anything from happiness, wealth, love, hunger.. whatever. But for my work, I am yet to see the purpose, or the result. I try to think, what would be the difference if I didn’t work, what if I didn’t stretch that little extra, didn’t sit that extra half hour, didn’t skip lunch the other day, would it have mattered? Could it have possibly made anything worse? Would it make me any lesser average than I am, right now? I don’t really know, but like I said before, lets maintain equilibrium & keep the cycle running.

The personal life crash was not something I expected. Yeah, I cannot lie to myself, I did see the signs of something bad which would happen. But I didn’t maybe expect it quite this fast or with such intensity. I don’t want to go into the details & bore the reader (if there is any). But anyways, my personal life crashed & I was devastated. I just realized I didn’t have anybody to talk to or not much friends as I had before. Yes, time had pulled all of us apart with both physical & emotional distance. You sort of start to think twice before calling up an old friend, "will he/she still remember me?","will he/she be interested in talking to me or will be too busy for me?” Well yeah everybody change, even I did, a lot. So when all hell broke loose at work, my personal life also hit rock bottom. Not the time of my life I would want to keep a memory about.

So in the midst of all this came the holiday season. Couldn't go home because I was at work & had an uneventful Christmas. It was the first Christmas I was away from my family & missed them to the most. The thing I missed the most definitely would be mom's homemade wine & cake. Yah there were other things like the star which we hung outside our house or the celebrations out in the street. Here everything was quiet, except in the pubs & bars. Now there they celebrate & make it big. Well you can’t always complain, so I joined in to celebrate a very much hallmark celebration this year.

It’s only a couple of days away from New Year's Eve & I am really hoping that it is much better than my Christmas. This year was a mess, a real mess. Lot of learning in the year though, learnt it the real tough way. So I decided to come up with the list of resolutions for the new year. Now these are the things I really want to pursue & get it done during the course of the next year. So, here goes:-

1) Have Fun - By having fun I meant really having fun. Enjoying life to the max & living as if there is no tomorrow. Yeah, quite often that is the way I do live life, but planning to make it more regular going forward. More importantly trying not to get bogged down by all the crap which goes on around me. Towards the end of the year pretty much nothing effected me, but going forward want to be way tougher than that.

2) Quit my job - Honestly, I had half a mind to put this as #1 & when I had started writing this, that’s what I had decided on doing. But hold on, life is not all about work & decided to gave it the #2 position. Well by "Quit my job", I didn’t mean stop working completely, but at least make a significant change, at least with the place I work at. It’s been too long & too much to take, if you can’t move things out of your way, its smarter to move around it.

3) Travel, a lot - Visit as much places as possible. I don’t want to make a list here, bcoz it would be too long and unrealistic for me to complete in a year. In the last years, wasted too much time trying to make sure everything falls into place before going somewhere & that pretty much never happened. So in the coming year, no point waiting for the time nor the people, going to see the world. As much as possible.

4) Not to fall in love - Learnt the lessons the hard way & realized the thingy called "love" is not for me. I don’t want to argue about how much true or fake it is, different people, different perspective. But I am better off without it. And after all living life alone is not as dull as I had expected it to. Yes, it was difficult at first, but you sort of get used to it & later start enjoying it. So for all the ladies out there, I am sorry, I don’t want to end up in a wreck again.

I guess that should be it. The list seems realistic & certainly doable. So, let me wish a Happy & Prosperous New Year to myself & anybody who had the patience to read through all my nonsense.

Peace.