Its been long time since I put down something in my space. Lots had been going on in my life & most of them in the negative direction. Problems at work, tragedies in personal life has been taking a toll on life. To keep my mind away from all these problems, decided to write down something, which was going through my mind for some time...
Well, the spark for this blog entry came one Saturday afternoon during an argument with my dad, which is a very common situation whenever we talk. He is a true believer in honesty, kindness & at most times I feel he is the reincarnation of Gandhi, in the 21st century. Anyways, this time the topic of argument was spiritual. It seems my folks has been really disturbed in my lack in belief in the almighty & everything related to it. Every time they brought the topic of “god”, “temple” I either leave the room or change topics. So it was time for Dad to step up and “advice” me. Well his explanation was simple, “When I was your age, even I was a rebel like you. I didn't attend prayers & didn't believe in god. But when I grew older, I changed & I am sure you will too...” With these words he left me there while the words sunk in....
I stood there trying to understand what he meant. The latter portion of his words sounded like a hidden threat... But I kept thinking over & over about it. I realized he was not the first person in whom I had seen a change. Why do people starting fearing the lord while they grow older? Do they fear about their actions in their present life & its outcome in the next? Do they fear the punishment they might get in heaven/hell (jacuzzi filled with wine/cauldron filled with boiling water) ?
Then it struck me, only one thing is common in all my questions... FEAR. If there is one thing which definitely increases with your age (along with graying) is fear. The reasons might be different but fear is for sure which never reduces with age. I was watching a small baby the other day, the curiosity it had towards a burning candle. The curiosity of the source of the beautiful light draws it towards the candle & finally the baby extends its hands to touch & discover this glowing beauty. Luckily we saw the child in time & took it away the flame, but if it wasn't the case, the burn on the finger would definitely hurt the child, but more than that it would register a sense of fear towards fire from then on. Most of us learn to fear something the hard way, we fall down & start fearing of heights. We fall down & start fearing off running in the rain. It is not fear alone which teaches us this, but common sense which evolves as we grow. But we often see that many of the minor things, which we are not afraid of as a child start giving us nightmares when we grow up.
The fear of loosing never haunted us as a child when it came to challenging your buddy to a running race or participating for the class group song. But the same situation now would bring sweat to our forehead.. What changed? Why does the fear of loosing haunt us now, when our mind has become more mature & our bodies have become stronger? When we were kids we used to run in the ground with a sense of freedom & joy. The sun beaming above us & shinning its light in between the clouds which floated in the clear blue sky. We used to be happy looking up at the sky & trying to associate the shapes of the clouds to things we know. How often do we look up into the sky now & try to appreciate its beauty? We now look up into the sky only to see whether its going to rain. Even the rains used to give us a lot of joy then. Now the sight of rains tells us we need to get back home early or we are surely gonna be drenched. Not at all can be grouped under fear, but fear appears in front of us in various forms and tests us every single day.
Every single day of our lives knowingly or unknowingly we live in fear. When we were a child we used to love having candy, but now even for such a small deed we think twice. Fear of gaining weight, fear of meeting your expenses, fear of diabetes, fear fear fear... But what is the outcome of all this fear? Tension, anxiety, nervousness, lack of self confidence & finally faith. How does faith fit into all this?
When there is fear in the mind it really helps if we could imagine/feel that there was a super power which would magically get us out of all the problems to safety. We hope this magical power will not drag us through hardships & get us the easy ticket. The same logic can be seen in the sudden outpour of students to temples, churches & mosques either before the exam or just before the results. Even the biggest Atheists in a situation of crisis call out the name of the lord, not because they suddenly became believers, but because of the fear of the problems to come & for a magical escape...
Different people face fear differently. Some fight it out by facing their worst faces. Some like to close their eyes & hope the magical hands of their lord would make it disappear. And then there are some who succumb to it... Only time will tell how we will deal with ours....
