Christmas, New Year's & the Year Beyond

It’s the holiday season, though not the best of times for me, but thought I might as well pen down something. The last few weeks were horrible. I would say, the worst 2weeks of 2008. There is a saying, that before the candle is about to be blown up, it spurts & burns most vigorously. Maybe that’s what happened. The professional side of life was already giving me a beating & then the personal side crashed. Quite a crash that I am yet to decide what to do with it. So that’s another reason why I am writing this. I haven’t yet decided whether I want to post this entry or not, but nevertheless it makes me feel much better once I write stuff down.

Things are not going that great at work. In the past 3 weeks, I have been asking a question quite too often "What am I doing? Why am I still working?". Well, I didn’t get an answer, I guess it should be to maintain equilibrium, keep the cycle going, or such crap. Now, whatever we do, we intend to get some result out of it. The result can be anything from happiness, wealth, love, hunger.. whatever. But for my work, I am yet to see the purpose, or the result. I try to think, what would be the difference if I didn’t work, what if I didn’t stretch that little extra, didn’t sit that extra half hour, didn’t skip lunch the other day, would it have mattered? Could it have possibly made anything worse? Would it make me any lesser average than I am, right now? I don’t really know, but like I said before, lets maintain equilibrium & keep the cycle running.

The personal life crash was not something I expected. Yeah, I cannot lie to myself, I did see the signs of something bad which would happen. But I didn’t maybe expect it quite this fast or with such intensity. I don’t want to go into the details & bore the reader (if there is any). But anyways, my personal life crashed & I was devastated. I just realized I didn’t have anybody to talk to or not much friends as I had before. Yes, time had pulled all of us apart with both physical & emotional distance. You sort of start to think twice before calling up an old friend, "will he/she still remember me?","will he/she be interested in talking to me or will be too busy for me?” Well yeah everybody change, even I did, a lot. So when all hell broke loose at work, my personal life also hit rock bottom. Not the time of my life I would want to keep a memory about.

So in the midst of all this came the holiday season. Couldn't go home because I was at work & had an uneventful Christmas. It was the first Christmas I was away from my family & missed them to the most. The thing I missed the most definitely would be mom's homemade wine & cake. Yah there were other things like the star which we hung outside our house or the celebrations out in the street. Here everything was quiet, except in the pubs & bars. Now there they celebrate & make it big. Well you can’t always complain, so I joined in to celebrate a very much hallmark celebration this year.

It’s only a couple of days away from New Year's Eve & I am really hoping that it is much better than my Christmas. This year was a mess, a real mess. Lot of learning in the year though, learnt it the real tough way. So I decided to come up with the list of resolutions for the new year. Now these are the things I really want to pursue & get it done during the course of the next year. So, here goes:-

1) Have Fun - By having fun I meant really having fun. Enjoying life to the max & living as if there is no tomorrow. Yeah, quite often that is the way I do live life, but planning to make it more regular going forward. More importantly trying not to get bogged down by all the crap which goes on around me. Towards the end of the year pretty much nothing effected me, but going forward want to be way tougher than that.

2) Quit my job - Honestly, I had half a mind to put this as #1 & when I had started writing this, that’s what I had decided on doing. But hold on, life is not all about work & decided to gave it the #2 position. Well by "Quit my job", I didn’t mean stop working completely, but at least make a significant change, at least with the place I work at. It’s been too long & too much to take, if you can’t move things out of your way, its smarter to move around it.

3) Travel, a lot - Visit as much places as possible. I don’t want to make a list here, bcoz it would be too long and unrealistic for me to complete in a year. In the last years, wasted too much time trying to make sure everything falls into place before going somewhere & that pretty much never happened. So in the coming year, no point waiting for the time nor the people, going to see the world. As much as possible.

4) Not to fall in love - Learnt the lessons the hard way & realized the thingy called "love" is not for me. I don’t want to argue about how much true or fake it is, different people, different perspective. But I am better off without it. And after all living life alone is not as dull as I had expected it to. Yes, it was difficult at first, but you sort of get used to it & later start enjoying it. So for all the ladies out there, I am sorry, I don’t want to end up in a wreck again.

I guess that should be it. The list seems realistic & certainly doable. So, let me wish a Happy & Prosperous New Year to myself & anybody who had the patience to read through all my nonsense.

Peace.

my god is a storybook hero

The Year is 2200, its been more than 100years since the war had ended. More than 3/4th of the human population was wiped away from the surface of the planet. Nobody knows when the war started or who started it. During the war everything was destroyed, everything that man had created for his comfort. The survivors of the planet were using everything available to find out about their past. To find about their ancestors, to find about the time before the planet was torn about by the war. The first phase of the war itself was targeted at one of man's greatest invention itself - the silicon chip. Destroying a countries information systems made them powerless & was an easy to defeat. The strategy was used throughout the war from destroying the information systems of the defense which later all intensified to all walks of life. 

By the 21st century everything was controlled by computer, everything was stored in computers, in fact people even stored the dates of their birthdays & anniversaries in computers. Destroying the information system of a country meant pushing it back into the dark ages. And that is what happened. In the fight to gain supremacy every country tried to destroy the information stored in the database of their opponents & force defeat. At one point it looked as if few of the allied countries were successful in mastering this strategy & win over their opponents. But then there was the holocaust, which might have been the retaliation of the defeated nations, but it pushed the world back into the dark ages. 

The survivors were not many & were not at all organized. Spread apart in the far corners of the world, they had no means of communication. With whatever was left off the war, they tried to piece together their past. They were in desperate need of a culture, a history to associate with. For this purpose, they made huge excavation sites, collected & stored whatever they could find & tried to piece together the puzzle. Since all the magnetic & silicon based storage devices were completely destroyed, the only source of available data was books. Books was also not easy to find because millions of libraries were burned down during the war. But few survived & these survived books were carefully collected for studies.

The existent human beings noticed that similar books from a series of similar books were excavated from different parts of their regions. They seem to belong to an orderly series but were available in multiple copies. The books explained in intricate details about the world as it was before. The book had no mention about the war which devastated the planet, but had a lot of information about the magical world that existed at one point of time. It explained in length about the magical castles, the mighty daemons & the heroes that existed. The 7 series epic or transcript explained in detail the life of the adolescent wizard who saved the world. The life of the young wizard, his friends & his victories over evil was given in much detail.

The surviving human race, who were searching for some light into their past & culture, got that through these epic books & through this young wizard. They started to develop an admiration which later turned to worship for this young wizard. They were sure that such a young wizard was the solution to all the evil their world was going through. They started having faith & trust in this wizard whom they had only known through the epic.

But as one part of the surviving human race started having faith in the young wizard, in another corner of the world the situation was different. The same epic series was discovered here as well, but the thinkers at this part of the world had a completely different view. Even they were mesmerized by the beauty of the world but found it difficult to conclude that the wizard was the true hero. according to them, if the wizard was successful in defeating all evil, then how did the war happen? How was the magical world turn into a place which is covered by black smoke & dust clouds? why couldn't the young wizard save the beautiful trees, the magical rivers & the creatures of the world? Does it mean that the wizard was actually defeated by his enemies? It then made sense to worship & get the pleasing of the more powerful of the two rivals.

Thus knowingly or unknowingly, in the search for their past & culture, the world slowly started separating into two groups. The people who laid their faith on the  young wizard who lived in the beautiful world & the people who had faith in the other Dark Wizard who might have finally won the battle. The epics were considered sacred & both groups of people argued, fought & even killed to support their belief. The people memorized the spells & prayers used by these Wizards & recited those to protect themselves from evil. Both groups of people were referring to the same epic series written by the author by the name of J.K.Rowling. The young Wizard goes by the name of Harry Potter & the dark wizard was called Lord Voldemort....

...surprised? Smiling at the stupidity of the people of 2200, who discovered the Harry Potter series? Then do save it, save it for the people who found the book authored by a person referred to as Vyasa & to all those millions of people who have been preaching, sacrificing, fighting,  killing & dying for the sake of this book & their heroes...

My Coffee Cup & The Little Devil

It came into my life during the summer of 2007
I treasured it as a valuable gem
It was my friend whenever I needed a break for a coffee
It was beautiful, with its lustrous silver exterior
I took good care of it, atleast thrice every week
It never complained when I didn't use it for few days
It didn't wince when I went outside for a cup of coffee..
It shined every time I rinsed it with vim & dried it..
I protected it inside my cabinet every time I went for vacation..
It didn't even leave my side for a single day
& waited for me to reach office everyday ... My Coffee Cup

And then the day came..
the day I would part with my friend
there was not a cloud in the sky to shed a tear
not knowing what lays ahead of me, i stroll to my friend's place
he is engrossed with work , so i fare goodbye..
on the way back, I take a path which I hadn't traveled much before...
I keep my coffee cup on the table & within a quick flash the Little Devil gets its hands around it
with an evil grin it holds my dear coffee cup & throws it into the darkness of a trash can
I stay motionless with shock, I reach inside the darkness of the trash can..
only to find my friend stained with a used chewing gum..
I say good bye to my friend who was there with me for more than year
good bye my dear coffee cup...

(the little devil still laughs..)

@ N.A.B

Its been close to a month since I penned down something. The last post was about a great cause & I got mixed emotion about it. Well, this one is different. It is different in the fact that I assume my readers (if any) would completely agree with what I am about to write. So without further adieu, let me introduce the main character of today's post - my left toe. Yup, thats right, the central character of my post is not me, but my left toe. Well its about an incident which happened when I was small. When I mean small, I mean not so long back, ie; 6years old. It was one of those dry summer nights when I had gone to bed & woke up in the middle of the night for a drink. So, I got out of bed, slipped out of the room & into the kitchen. It was pitch dark & I decided to skip switching on the light. I started feeling around the room to get a glass & finally got one from the shelf. I decided to get some water from the refrigerator in the adjoint room & moved on. I moved closer to the room in the dark & pulled open the door. "duddddddddddddd" (now that was the sound when a really tin of skimmed milk falls straight on your toe). Each time I look at my toe, I still feel the shearing pain that went through me when the tin fell on my toe. The cut still reminds me of that incident each time I put on my socks. If you are thinking why I am writing about this incident now... well, that might be my closest ever experience on how lack of vision can effect a person.

The actual source of inspiration for this post came not from my toe, but my recent visit to the NAB (National Association for the Blind). The visit was part of an initiative by our community to give something back to our community. For this NAB was selected as the venue & we would be painting & hardening the NAB. Though I have been thinking about it for a long time, this was my first experience for any voluntary work. So I joined in & decided to do something. I reached the venue at 9 in the morning, surprising many who have never seen me before 11. The place immediately got my admiration, it was nothing like I had expected it to be. I would say call it a beautiful campus in the middle of a busy city. The place seemed unaware about the traffic, the noise & the tension of the outside world. The building seemed to be made of stone/rock & the garden around it gave it a sense of peace & silence. There was atleast 100 of us volunteers, all ready to jump into action.

Before we start with our work, we were invited inside to have breakfast. By the time I reached towards the dining area the place was crowded & the tables were taken up by the volunteers. I and my friend decided to get the food in a place & chit-chat while leaning on a pillar. Our conversation was the usual, comparing the salaries of friends in other companies & bitch about how less they pay us, how we are the only single people left on planet earth & how beer should be taxed lesser. I was leaning against the wall when somebody collided against me from my back. I lost my balance & my initial reaction was to turn back to see the person, who almost pushed me down & to give a few rude comments. But I turned back to see a boy who was around 15, holding onto the wall for support, cane in one hand. What went through me at this moment is not something I can put down here in terms of words. Few seconds back I was happy, yet complaining about how the world is always unfair to me, then struck by anger, shock & sadness. I stood there silently while the boy apologized to me, while I care taker guided him to a room nearby. The next few minutes were followed by silence, neither of us spoke. We completed our food & got to the tasks we were assigned.

I could not get over the incident the whole day, maybe because it was the first time I was in contact with a person, who was less privileged than us. "Less privileged" is the way I would like to put it here, because for them we are the privileged class. People say, you will never understand the sweetness of victory if you haven't tasted the bitterness of failure. A rich man will never realize his worth unless, he has experienced the hardships of poverty. How much ever we try, we can never realize the privileges which we take so much for granted but is a dream for many. The boy who bumped into me & many other students of the NAB were the less privileged ones I was helping out the other way. It is true that sense of satisfaction is more when you are doing something not for ourselves but for helping others. But in my case the irony was that, they can never feel the change we had made to the world around them.

The facility had specific classes for different kinds of training. We saw a weaving mill, a mechanical workshop, light engineering & computer training centers. The library houses many books in the brail code. In a world where we take all our senses for granted it was impossible to understand to understand how one could survive if one of the senses was turned off. We are often busy complaining of all the luxuries we do not have but never truly understand the worth of what we already have. For me the visit was more than just a service to the community, but it was an opportunity for me to take a step back & thank for all what we have got. We did a good job of cleaning up the place, gardening & painting the walls. The day was concluded by a mimicry performance by one the students of the NAB. He mimicked the sounds of a rooster, a railway announcement & a rickshaw. While I sat there listening to this marvelous performance I couldn't stop wondering if the talented lad standing in front of us would ever be lucky enough to see a rooster or a rickshaw. When we hear the word "rooster", the first thing that comes to our mind is an image of a rooster, with its brightly colored feathers, its bright red crown. But what about the child who has never seen a rooster in his life & can only dream of one, but is able to recognize it just by the sound.

All of us left the places with new smiles on our face. Few of them had the satisfaction of doing something for the community. Few of the others were proud of their gardening & painting skills they displayed during the event. But that day, I left the place promising myself that the next time I look at my left toe, I will be thankful for all what I have got...

The Valley in Denial

The motivation behind this post came from a friend I met on a Social Networking Website. He has recently uploaded few videos about the uprising in Kashmir. Now, for a person like me who doesn't own a television & has no newspaper subscription, I was clueless about the struggle in Kashmir. Inspired by the story narrated in the videos he had shown, I decided to do some research. I soon realized the shear size of the revolution which was taking place in our own country. I even came across the article by Arundathi Roy in Outlook which was the final motivation needed for me to write this article. Was shying away from writing something here for a long time, but this is worth the trouble.

The freedom struggle in India is not a story told by the textbooks in India but also the key factor which makes India stand apart from the rest of the nations of the world. When many of the oppressed nations gained its Independence by violence, our strategy was different - Ahimsa. Our path was difficult & tedious, but we achieved our target in 1947, 90Years since the struggle had started. Now its been 19years since the struggle in Kashmir started, do we have to wait for 71years more to realize our mistakes?

In the past 2-3months Kashmir has been making news throughout all the news channels. The Amarnath Controversy which started as a minor land dispute has triggered off a revolution, which the government cannot put it hands around. For the past 19years it had used all methods possible money, violence , disinformation, torture, elaborate networks of collaborators and informers, terror, imprisonment, blackmail and rigged elections to subdue what democrats would call "the will of the people". But just when they announced that Kashmir is finally millitant free, all hell broke loose.

The valley has been the center of controversy ever since any of us could remember. Both India & Pakistan fought over the land & had its share of "shahids" & "bravery awards. But the ones who kept loosing was the people of Kashmir. They are mere tenants of a land which they harvest but is not theirs. The simple things in life which we keep for granted like safety,security, justice is only a dream for them. Whether its the war declared by Pakistan or the blockade on the Srinagar highway, the loosers are always the same. If they raise their voice they get linked with millitants. If they protest they get shot down. If they complain they disappear.

It is understandable for our so-called secular government to stay quite & simply watch at the drama that is unfolding in Kashmir. It tried doing the one thing it is good at, calling the whole revolution an act by some ISI agents inside Kashmir. But its usual strategy didn't pay off this time, when the media played images of stone pelting youth who didn't carry any AK 47 nor a bomb strapped on the waist. On 18nth August 9Lakh Kashmiri's who citizens of India marched towards the UN demanding freedom. This was only one week after the Hurriyat Leader Sheikh Abdul Aziz was shot dead during a peaceful demonstration towards the LOC demanding that since the Jammu road had been blocked, it was only logical that the Srinagar-Muzaffarabad highway be opened for goods and people. This in a nation which upholds peace & ahimsa !!!

We grew up seeing images of the great Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru releasing a pair of caged pigeons & granting them freedom, then why do we cage the people of Kashmir & snatch away their freedom. We demanded self rule from the British & now we deny the same self rule form the people of the valley. It is still unclear whether our secular government is failing to see the evident or trying to keep its eyes shut. Its behavior is quite predictable, predicting that the opposition will make the most of the opportunity to crush the government if it decides a decision in favor of the Kashmiri people. As far as the government is concerned it has reached a level of equilibrium where it is not giving a chance for the opposition to find fault & the not-so-secular opposition party will not complain at the plight of Kashmir. The only one thing that the opposition could complain is for more land area for Amarnath Pilgrimage which was more than ever successful this year.

The big question is now concerning the future. How long will the government expect the future rulers to tackle the problems & keep postponing? How long can one expect to silence the revolution which is trembling through Kashmir? How much longer will the Indian Army arrest innocent protesters & frame them as member of ISI & millitant groups? How much longer do we put them in denial? In the big rush to become one of the worlds biggest super powers lets not forget what our forefathers preached & the path which made us what we are..

The Toddy Shop

Ok, now dont come to conclusions seeing the post title itself. Well its not any story about my escapades at any toddy (Wiki: Palm wine, also known as palm toddy) shop. I had serious thoughts before naming this post, since I am writing about a toddy shop while the blog title itself is "chai stall". But then, the whole topic is about the toddy shop, so thats that. Well, here goes the introduction to my post. This has been a project which I was working on, not a widely entertaining topic, but never the less, something which I was working on for a month now. I am not planning to complete writing this post within a single day, so there will be minor changes & corrections on the way. Without further due, let me come to the topic. It all started off one day during lunch with my folks. My mom was talking to us about some distant relative who happened to own a toddy shop & has ended up to be filthy rich. Now lets call this person
Mr Chief* ( * Names have been modified since I dont remember the actual ones ). Mr. Chief owned atleast 4 toddy shops in my hometown, which was giving him steady profit. But unfortunately these shops were dingy, dark & inaccessible for a common man. Usually these places are unhygienic that people prefer staying away from it. And this is when I had started thinking bout taking alternatives careers far far away from the mysterious coding world. Any option beyond the coding world seemed like a brilliant opportunity. So just for the sake of irritating my mom, I start planning & making strategies to prove how good I would have been, if I was given a chance to work as a Manager for a toddy shop. Now my managerial interest sprang in & started creating detailed plans about the toddy shop & how I will be managing it. So here is my project on how I would be managing a toddy shop.

Basic Requirements: Mr. Chief ie; investor. Preferably somebody with a toddy shop license.
Land , the availability & location of the land would determine the architecture of the shop
Employees: 6-7 Waiters who speak English fluently & can converse in the local language.
Toddy. The rest of the requirements will be discussed during the course of the post.

Now starting with the construction/architecture of the building, as mentioned before it depends solely on the availability & location of the land. The location of the piece of land shouldn't ideally effect the internal setting of the place. I have already designed the board for the Toddy shop, which is shown at the beginning of the post. If the location of the land is within the city limit, I am assuming we have limited space, so it means an underground parking lot & the shop will be part of an existing building. A ground floor will be preferred in such an arrangement. Even though it doesn't serve any purpose, a slanting roof in the shape of a hut's roof will be placed above the entrance. This should add to the ambiance & give the feel that one is actually walking into an authentic toddy shop. Now,if the location is outside city limits, we can quite safely have adequate space & construct a building of our own. The roof again as discussed before will be a slanting roof resembling a hut. On top of the roof a 3inch thickness of artificial "thatched roof" made of silica cement (the new variety with which we can artistically make shapes) can be placed. This is to give the look of the thatched roof similar to an authentic toddy shop.

Coming to the interiors, dim but adequate lighting. Ambiance is one thing customers look these days in such joints & at most importance should be given while designing the interiors. The walls can be covered by wooden paneling, which might be quite expensive. Again the use of silica cement can be used to give a wood like finish. The seating should be comfortable but at the same time different. An option is to have jute woven comfortable chairs in which one can relax & have a sip of their drink. The tables can be preferably be the thick bark of a wooden with candle light. Use of strategically placed speakers playing the sound of wind, water & the birds can help recreate the experience one gets while having the drink on the side of a beach. The walls can be decorated by articles often related to toddy tappers, like the vessel in which toddy is collected or an artificial pine/coconut tree in the corners (original would be much better)

Moving onto service, in the era of fierce competition customers can be very demanding & good service is not a privilege but a need. The waiters/bartenders should be well trained to behave politely & courteously to the customers. Fluency in English & also the local languages will help not only to cater to tourists but also the general public. A suggestive dress code would be similar to that of a toddy tapper. A turban on the head, a lungi (long cloth worn around the waist) and a beach wear t-shirt should do just fine. Toddy can be served either in earthen cups or even made of wood. Both of these would also help in keeping the liquid cool for a longer time. A live band playing the local soothing music would help the customers have a good time. Care should be taken to make sure that the music should be played at a moderate volume keeping in mind that its a place to relax & take a break. It should appeal not only to the general public but also interest the thirsty tourist.

Finally & post importantly, coming to the toddy. Well I do not have much prior experience to grade toddy, but I would like to stress on the phrase "the best your money can buy". The freshly fermented toddy should be readily available to the customer along with his favorite snacks. Hot & steaming snacks should make the toddy shop not only a place to get a sip, but also delight your taste buds.

So thats my account on how it would be if I be the manager of The Toddy Shop. The intention was to test myself for my management skills & ideas, but finally it sounds like something related to hotel management. After all we have to change based on what the time demands. Hoping some toddy shop owner out there is gonna read this & take me in as the manager, please do visit us @ The Toddy Shop.

- signed, the manager

A Beautiful Death

This one entry has been in a drafts for quite some time. I would say it had been there for even longer in my brain (peanut sized part inside my skull). Now the title of this entry might be really confusing, well I hope to explain it as I go along in this entry. But before all that I would like to note the motivation for this particular entry. It was a few months back on a complete jobless Saturday morning when I decided to watch Mr Magmorium's Wonder Emporium. Well the movie is about a magical toy store owned by a person called Mr. Magmorium. But the part of the movie which made me think was a monologue by Dustin Hoffman who plays Mr.Magmorium. He says “ When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.”

Well for some weird reason it really struck me & I decided to check this out by doing something commonly known as Googling. Well, what our dear Mr. Magmorium said was actually true, the ending of the lead character in Shakespeare biggest works of arts King Lear, is by two simple words – he dies.

Quote:

A messenger enters and reveals that Edmund has also died. Lear asks Edgar to loosen Cordelia’s button; then, just as Lear thinks that he sees her beginning to breathe again, he dies.

And here is where my peanut sized brain starts working. We look around in our world, we see a constant cycle. A cycle of birth, life & finally death. Though death or loss of life can happen in a blink of an eye, the whole cycle before it is long & the most celebrated one. Unlike death ie; the end of life, the beginning of life doesn't happen in a blink of a second. To the egg to the final newborn baby the process of life goes on. I don't think there would be an exact instant when we can pin point & mark as the beginning of life. Is it the embryo in the mother's womb or did the egg itself had life. Is it only after the baby comes out into the world that we call that the life has begun. Well for the majority of us that is when life begins, because of which we have the horoscopes & the other stuff which I don't understand, begin from the date of “birth”.

Well if explaining the origin/beginning of life seemed difficult then the process of life would be much more complex. I believe the life cycle of man is quite different from almost all other living species. His actions in most occasions are controlled by logic while on other instances by emotion. It becomes almost impossible to judge how a human being can react to the exact same situation at different point of time. He lives his life first trying to learn, then trying to use this knowledge to attain & finally to give whatever he attained through his life time, to the next generation.

As a child, man learns the skills to face the world & attain from it. These skills can range from something specific like math, physics or maybe a special skill like riding a horse or hunting. Mostly throughout his childhood he learns & fine tunes his knowledge to go out & face the world. He takes it for granted that a long life lies ahead of him for which he has to be equipped & all his efforts are channelized to attain his goal, which might be few years or even decades later.

In his second phase of life, man uses the skill he had acquired to acquire wealth, fame & whatever his fancy may be. Now this is the most ambitious of phases, here he builds bridges & roads. He constructs houses & erects monuments, hospitals. He builds schools so that the next generation can also equip themselves with the skills. He knows for sure what his goals are & has already planned ahead for decades. He acquires wealth so that he can survive during his old age & his kids can survive for another generation. He is concerned about the education & welfare of the kids he has not yet had. He comes up with ingenious solutions which can cure grave illness, can eradicate poverty , which can bring in prosperity even decades later. He plants saplings which would become big trees within the next 5 to 6 decades. For him its a rats race out there, where he struggles today, so that he or his further generations can have a better tomorrow.

Now the third phase, well here is where you actually get the point of the cycle. Unlike the previous two phases, in this phase its all about utilizing or giving. By the time man reaches this stage of his life, he realizes he has attained a lot in his life, there isn't enough time to utilize all what he has achieved. Well, this phase of life unlike the first two, have no exact time of occurrence in man's life. Few men live their complete life in the second phase while few are too weak & reach the third phase quiet quickly. This phase is different for one more reason, all of a sudden there is a quick change in perspective. In the first two phases, man had taken his life for granted & was preparing & planning for years ahead. But in this phase the assurance of life ahead starts decreasing. He realizes he had made more than he could possibly utilize & the time ahead might be too less to see the fruits of his efforts in his second phase. The plans of prosperity which he had made, the saplings which he had planted are yet to take form. This is the phase of giving. Man tries to share his wisdom at this age, he has become wise over the years & now his experience of life seems more valuable than the lessons he learnt as a child. He shares his wealth he acquired & the knowledge he gained to the next generation.

But unfortunately the next generation is too busy building & continuing the path of their fathers & forefathers had made. They do not fear the future because for them life is an assurance. The cycle of life continues... As time closes in, we realize that all we had achieved & acquired is just something which will pass on to the next, but there is something which can never be passed on. It is the experiences in life.. the love, the sorrow, the hardships, the hate, all these however much we try to express with words, can never be completely understood other than by experience. We realize all the sacrifices we made in the first & second phase of life to achieve something which now, is of no use to use. The love we ignored, the beauty we failed to recognize, the times we failed to thank, all these start coming back to us. But now its too late.. They say, when we near death, it feels as if our whole life passes in front of our eyes like a slide show on power point, if only we could pause at a point & make up for all what we missed...

Then who has a beautiful death if, every man passes through all these life cycles & regrets at the end. Well, I think few of them out there do. The few who love life & live everyday in their life as if its the last. The few who find time to look up at the blue sky, the chirping birds, the rays of the sun through the dew drops on the leaves. The few who find love in their life & enjoy each and every moment of their life. For them the second phase of life is not only for gaining wealth but for loving what they do & most importantly...living.

After all, like Maximus said “If you find yourself alone, riding in the green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium, and you're already dead!”

F.E.A.R

Its been long time since I put down something in my space. Lots had been going on in my life & most of them in the negative direction. Problems at work, tragedies in personal life has been taking a toll on life. To keep my mind away from all these problems, decided to write down something, which was going through my mind for some time...

Well, the spark for this blog entry came one Saturday afternoon during an argument with my dad, which is a very common situation whenever we talk. He is a true believer in honesty, kindness & at most times I feel he is the reincarnation of Gandhi, in the 21^st century. Anyways, this time the topic of argument was spiritual. It seems my folks has been really disturbed in my lack in belief in the almighty & everything related to it. Every time they brought the topic of “god”, “temple” I either leave the room or change topics. So it was time for Dad to step up and “advice” me. Well his explanation was simple, “When I was your age, even I was a rebel like you. I didn't attend prayers & didn't believe in god. But when I grew older, I changed & I am sure you will too...” With these words he left me there while the words sunk in....

I stood there trying to understand what he meant. The latter portion of his words sounded like a hidden threat... But I kept thinking over & over about it. I realized he was not the first person in whom I had seen a change. Why do people starting fearing the lord while they grow older? Do they fear about their actions in their present life & its outcome in the next? Do they fear the punishment they might get in heaven/hell (jacuzzi filled with wine/cauldron filled with boiling water) ?

Then it struck me, only one thing is common in all my questions... FEAR. If there is one thing which definitely increases with your age (along with graying) is fear. The reasons might be different but fear is for sure which never reduces with age. I was watching a small baby the other day, the curiosity it had towards a burning candle. The curiosity of the source of the beautiful light draws it towards the candle & finally the baby extends its hands to touch & discover this glowing beauty. Luckily we saw the child in time & took it away the flame, but if it wasn't the case, the burn on the finger would definitely hurt the child, but more than that it would register a sense of fear towards fire from then on. Most of us learn to fear something the hard way, we fall down & start fearing of heights. We fall down & start fearing off running in the rain. It is not fear alone which teaches us this, but common sense which evolves as we grow. But we often see that many of the minor things, which we are not afraid of as a child start giving us nightmares when we grow up.

The fear of loosing never haunted us as a child when it came to challenging your buddy to a running race or participating for the class group song. But the same situation now would bring sweat to our forehead.. What changed? Why does the fear of loosing haunt us now, when our mind has become more mature & our bodies have become stronger? When we were kids we used to run in the ground with a sense of freedom & joy. The sun beaming above us & shinning its light in between the clouds which floated in the clear blue sky. We used to be happy looking up at the sky & trying to associate the shapes of the clouds to things we know. How often do we look up into the sky now & try to appreciate its beauty? We now look up into the sky only to see whether its going to rain. Even the rains used to give us a lot of joy then. Now the sight of rains tells us we need to get back home early or we are surely gonna be drenched. Not at all can be grouped under fear, but fear appears in front of us in various forms and tests us every single day.

Every single day of our lives knowingly or unknowingly we live in fear. When we were a child we used to love having candy, but now even for such a small deed we think twice. Fear of gaining weight, fear of meeting your expenses, fear of diabetes, fear fear fear... But what is the outcome of all this fear? Tension, anxiety, nervousness, lack of self confidence & finally faith. How does faith fit into all this?

When there is fear in the mind it really helps if we could imagine/feel that there was a super power which would magically get us out of all the problems to safety. We hope this magical power will not drag us through hardships & get us the easy ticket. The same logic can be seen in the sudden outpour of students to temples, churches & mosques either before the exam or just before the results. Even the biggest Atheists in a situation of crisis call out the name of the lord, not because they suddenly became believers, but because of the fear of the problems to come & for a magical escape...

Different people face fear differently. Some fight it out by facing their worst faces. Some like to close their eyes & hope the magical hands of their lord would make it disappear. And then there are some who succumb to it... Only time will tell how we will deal with ours....

which is your club?

Its 3:30AM in the morning.. I just completed writing this blog entry & really tired.. Feeling a lot of relief once i completed this.. Its been 2 weeks since I started writing this one & wanted to make it perfect because this is what I wanted to shout out at this world for s long.. so read on...

I was watching the sports channel the other day when I saw a huge riot in a football stadium. I didn't understand what was the reason for the commotion but watched the policemen beat up the angry mob. People were throwing stones, empty bottles & attacking the policemen at first. The second scene showed some stalls being burnt & lot of fire in the stadium created by the crowd. The police didn't stand back either, they returned with water canons on the angry mob. The pretty newsreader lady at the end of the video explained that this was the riot which resulted at the end of a football somewhere in the west. The feature which followed explained how this was a common scene after each football match. Well, not used to seeing such happenings in our country, I decided to do some "googl-ing" and read about the football riots on the net. What I saw was really shocking, football fans burning, attacking & destroying property & seriously injuring supporters of their rival teams.

The news about the riot in Japan in the year 2005 which resulted in the death of 300, was the most nastiest incident in football history. All these news made me curious on finding out more about these “clubs”. I decided to research on the two biggest club football rivals itself, Manchester United & Liverpool. In spite of the numerous similarities between the clubs they have been arch rivals. Both the clubs are based out of two different places in England. But both teams have players from all over the world playing for it ( nothing to do with patriotism). Both have its team colors, team flags, team songs & team jerseys. Both have their respective heroes, who are considered a level above the normal human, which can be explained by the money they make every hour even when they are not playing. Even after going reading all this, I still didn't understand one basic thing... Y are the people killing each other just because they like a particular football team??? Y do the people of these rival groups look at each other with hatred & keep away from the other??? Y is the only interaction between the two clubs only violence??? It just didn't make sense !!! The people are from the same part of the country, they speak the same language, they are from same ethnicity, neither of them did anything wrong for which they should be punished. Then why???

I tried thinking about it in a different perspective. For doing that, we have to go a level higher. No, not to a higher sport, but to a higher level of grouping. Lets say region wise.. It was in the late 1940s that two similar “groups” were formed in the Asian sub-continent. These groups had much bigger members which makes us difficult to actually call them as clubs, but when we compare them with the previous analogy, they are quite similar to the English clubs. These two “groups” again formed two different areas of the Asian sub-continent. Though it was a single mass of land at first, formation of the “groups”/”clubs” forced it to be divided as separate regions having a common border. The two groups again had their respective colors, their flags and even the distinct song. But again members of both groups spoke the same languages, were from the same ethnicity, believed in similar religions even. But still, from its moment of creation till this day, it has only been hatred between the two groups. Even these two groups had their respective heroes, though heroes changed over time, never did the groups unite. The only difference between the football clubs & these groups is the fact that, in this case the leaders itself was the reason for the creation of these two groups. People who used to stand as one, was divided by barb wires & fences just because of the ego & difference of a few men. Yes, again the opinion of these few men were valued more than the others, hence their decision to form groups & separate people was put into practice. I am not talking about any fairy tale in any far off land, but the plight of two countries India & Pakistan after the separation in 1947. The stubbornness & ego of a few men resulting in decades of bloodshed. Do we ever stand up & ask each other why we fight. What is that we hate in our so much that we are even willing to die but wont let our neighbor set foot in our land? How is that we actually differ? Don't we share almost the similar gene pool even? On any given day can we actually spot the difference between an Indian & our neighbor.. Nobody knows... But yet we don't get up... we don't get up & try to see over the walls we have created around us...

But still I don't want to stop here.. Lets go 1 more level up.. In this level the “groups”/”clubs” are not divided by barb wires or fences. The members of these groups cannot be again distinguished based on their ethnicity, color of their skin nor the languages they speak. The members of these clubs were both & brought up in the same land. They cultivate the same soil, eat the same food, speak similar languages but yet they seem to treat the other differently. The members of these groups often fight & the clashes always lead to bloodshed & death. Every year millions of people die due to clashes between these rival “clubs”. The members are not isolated to a particular region or country, but in fact they are spread equally in the world. Though members of different clubs interact, it is often bound by limits. Relationships & marriage between members of different clubs are a big taboo & again leads to bloodshed. These clubs again have its own colors, its own songs, its own “constitution” or rule book which assigns the rights & duties of its members. It has its own heroes as well, both human & supernatural. While the supernatural remain only in the books & pictures, the human form often competes with its rivals to prove superiority. These “clubs” or “groups” had been created & followed for one reason alone, to separate, to distinguish & differentiate people on the basis of their beliefs.

Man always tried to explain the various phenomena which happened around him. For doing so he used either the help of science or help of the supernatural. Anything which man couldn't explain with science ended up as being the work of the supernatural. As years passed by and man evolved, many of the things which were once called supernatural became known as science. The Sun, Moon, rain, lightning were earlier considered as work of the supernatural, but as time passed by, man identified these as forces of nature & had explanation for each of these. But yet there were quiet a few which man was yet to discover.. He tried explaining these phenomena as work of the supernatural & as always different people explained these phenomena differently. This lead to different beliefs among the same human kind & finally man's ignorance slowly created religion... Man's creative mind helped him create characters which had superhuman strength & abilities. These heroes were the main characters in the “constitution” or rule books each religion had. Each hero had a special ability, if one could cure diseases, other could eradicate hunger. When one created the world, other destroyed the world. When one created wealth other blessed man with wisdom. In this way for each & every need man had a hero.. ( no I am not talking about the Justice League on Cartoon Network).

But here we stand in the 22^nd century, completely clueless on why we are fighting. We are fighting each other simply based on religious beliefs, the same beliefs which was created by man himself. As soon as a child is born the name of a religion is stamped on it & he bears it for the rest of his life. The human no more has a choice as to select his belief but is forced to believe what his forefathers believed. Though religious “groups” were formed based on people who think alike, now it is more of people who are bound & forced to think in a particular way. When will we stand up & realize that the wall we have around is, was created by us alone??? When will we realize that the people whom we hurt & kill, are no different from us.. What are we doing to each other.. When will we stand up & look above the wall...

following "fair legs"

its not been long since i wrote my last entry. I am not used to writing frequently but this time I decided to write something about the past. Since my brain cells are deteriorating day by day, I thought it would be good if I could write down few of the nice memories I had. Now this one happened when I was in college, 3rd year of college to be precise. After having a very eventful 1st & 2nd year I had decided to settle down and search for my books. The handful of supplies added to my motivation.

It was the time of the year, I started learning the name of the textbooks - exam time. The supplies made the situation worse by giving me a time table similar to the schedule for the Olympics. To make things worse a professor was giving me a hard time in college. Since the name of the teacher was that of a god, I decided to meet up with the almighty himself. It was an evening after college, when I decided to go to church (now, this was before i lost faith in the super natural). I went to my favorite church, favorite not because of the girls who came there, but because of the calm & quiet of the place (so unlike me!! ).

I sat there in front of the altar praying for half an hour. I was lost in prayer (or sleep) for over an hour when I received a call from my friend. My loyal friend had decided to come down to check on me & to see how I was feeling. We sat there talking for some time talking till we decided to call it a day & head back home. Since neither of us had any wheels, we had to walk for a good 30minutes till we reach the main road.. Just as we were about to leave the church, the power went, which meant we have to stumble our way in the dark. The street lights were out & even the road was nowhere to be seen. We stood at the beginning of the path leading to the road, but was clueless on how to proceed. We knew there was a pond towards on one side & bushes on the other... We had almost lost hope, thats when we saw it....

... fair legs...It was there in the distance. the only thing which was visible in front of us. We were drawn to these white legs & without waiting a second we followed it. It seemed the fair legs was going through the same path which lead to the main road. Neither of us spoke a word but we both knew what the other was thinking. We both silently agreed that if we have got to reach the road, it is definitely by following these fair legs. As we walked on the path, we tried guessing whom did these fair legs belong to. It could be that a beautiful girl walking in front of us. Maybe it was the divine presence himself trying to guide us back to our homes or maybe its just an old man wearing his white dhothi. However much we tried we couldn't see anything beyond the fair legs. We didn't want to hurry & scare of the person so quietly we followed fair legs. Thirty minutes had passed & our curiosity reached its max when we were about to about to reach the main road. We knew that once we reach the main road, with the street lamps, the identity of fair legs would be revealed..

...Finally we reached the main road, the headlights of the passing cars came our way & we saw...first we coudnt believe it, but then we looked closely & saw there was not two, but 4 fair legs... as the second car passed by we saw who fair legs actually was... We still dont know whether fair legs was a he or a she, coz fair legs was not a human, fair legs was a brown colored, thick fur coated, all indian doggy !!! I & my friend stared at each others for few seconds & broke out laughing.. Maybe almighty didnt take me to the main road nor help me pass the exams(now u know y i lost faith) but that whole incident, is one I can never forget...

Calvin & the ground floor bathroom

The brave soul Calvin comes home after work from the query in the late hour of the night...As he walks in the door he realizes he is yet to do his chores of cleaning the ground floor bathroom... The sandman crawls onto shoulder Calvin's nose to sprinkle sleep sand into his eyes... Sleeps draws Calvin nearer to his bed...He brushes it away bcoz he is afraid of his plight the following day if he fails to clean the bathroom. Fear of insults & nasty growls in the early hours of the morning grips Calvin.. He decides, that this is the day when he will face his fear... of the ground floor bathroom..

The young(compared to the rest) brave soldier peeps into the room to assess the situation. He charges in with his laser gun(broom) ; mug...
He looks around & see the room which hasn't been cleaned for over 2years. The cobwebs covering almost the entire ceiling, the thick gooey nuclear waste in the corner of the room & the muddy colored coating on the washing machine. The window sills looks as-if its been covered with a slimy substance similar to a chemical factory leak..

He immediately gets to work with his broom. The nasty spider which was waiting to lunge at the unsuspecting Calvin sprang out from the dark. With its huge wiry legs it tries to attach Calvin. But it takes less than a second for the mighty Calvin to react, with a quick swipe Calvin slays the monster&; gets back to work..

Firstly he gets rid of the gooey stuff on the window sill. The stuff looks really toxic & Calvin doesn't risk touching them with his hand. He immediately transfers the waste into a polythene cover which would protect him from the toxic.

Calvin doesn't waste time & quickly cleans the window sill. He soon discovers the cleansing power of the gooey chemical substance & uses it to get a better shine. Within no time the window sill shines & sounds squeky clean. With the power of the new chemical substance Calvin pounces on the nuclear waste in the corner of the room. But against this highly corroding layer of waste even the chemical substance fails. He gets hold of the brush & vigorously scrubs the floor. Repeated scrubbing shows some change in the color of the floor & soon the thick layer of dirt gives ways to the shiny floor beneath.

Suddenly Calvin notices streaks of blue color on the walls of the room. Since he has never used such a substance ever he approaches the substance with utmost caution. He realizes it is a stain which resulted due to a blue colored liquid which was supposed to give whiteness to clothes. Slowly but methodically Calvin removes the stain using a damp clothes, making sure no sign of the stain is left behind. With the confidence he attained so far Calvin proceeds to clean the washing machine & feels proud looks at the life reflecting of the sparkling clean machine.

Tired & exhausted he steps back to admire his work. shining floors & window sill, light reflecting of the washing machine & a clean ceiling... he congratulates himself for his effort.. Yes unlike his work at the query, here he doesn't expect a word of appreciation nor a pat on the back. Here he does it for mere survival, to make sure he remains part of the pack. Fear of being insulted & compared to a pig makes him forget the tiredness of the day & keeps his going. He tries to get some sleep but it seems even the sandman has started snoring. Without making the slightest noise he slowly & quietly he crawls into bed to finally get some sleep...